A quote that our good old elders often stress upon is to “Think before you speak.” One of the reasons being that words, once spoken, cannot be taken back. By the time you regret saying something bad to someone, the damage would have already been done. There is no coming back from there. This makes it absolutely important that you choose your words wisely, irrespective of who is in front of you, be it a child or an adult.

Having said that, while it is in no way right to speak badly to the people of your age or the elderly for that matter, it becomes particularly important to pay attention to your choice of words when speaking to children. This is so because children are tender and naïve. They believe whatever it is that is passed on to them. If you happen to pass on positive and optimistic words, the result would be a clear, well-groomed, and motivated child. Contrary to this, if your words are harsh and negative, it will not take time for those words to bring down your child’s self-esteem.

We, at The Tribhuvan School, firmly believe that the words we use to communicate with the kids lay the groundwork for their overall development. We have seen that when favorable and positive words are used to correct children from going wrong, the results are far better. After all, the objective should be to get the child out of the rut, make him/her understand what wrong he/she has done, and help the child correct his/her actions.

When kids are conveyed the message through negative words, it only ends up demotivating them even further. And we are certain that none of you would want that for your kids! This is why it is vital that you give due attention to your words whenever you communicate with your kids.

So today, in this article below, we, at The Tribhuvan School, ranked among the top schools in Patna, will be shedding further light on this topic to help you understand the kind of impact your words can have on your kids and why making a careful choice is important. Read on.

Go Easy on your “Word Usage” with Children:

As a parent, you keep on interacting with your kids all through the day for so many different purposes. At times, it is to make them do something, while at other times, it is simply a parent-child conversation. It is these everyday conversations that determine ‘how’ you are talking to your child. Here, the ‘how’ has to basically do with the kind of words you are using. It is important that you remain mindful of the usage of these words. Ideally, your goal should be to optimize such interactions, which becomes possible only by using the right words.

A look at words that help optimize parent-child conversations:

1. You make me proud!

Proud is an extremely positive and uplifting word. It is common for most parents to use the word when the kids excel at something. Don’t you happily tell your kids how proud you are of them when they do exceptionally well in their examinations, sports, or some other extra-curricular activities?

The fact is that such positive and encouraging words do wonders in motivating the kids, and this encouragement that you pass on to them through your words thereby reflects in the form of more efforts and improved performance by children. It is words like these that help children to find their voice and confidence. These words represent appreciation in its truest form.

Studies have reported that children who are appreciated in the right way by their parents are most likely to remain consistent with their progress. Thus, as a parent, you must use such words often, even if it is only to clap for your child’s little milestones and steady progress. Don’t just applaud results; clap for efforts too by using words of appreciation.

2. Come what may, you got my back!

Take a quick look at the above statement. It is filled with positivity and good vibes. All that this statement focuses on is you being there for your child every single time. This does not mean supporting your child’s wrong actions. It only means showing your child the right path in a kind and comforting manner. Thus, do not step back from using words that help your child understand that you are always there for him. The same applies in all the following cases, both good and bad included.

• Your child has performed miserably in his exams
• Your child has come first in the running race
• Your child has gotten into a fight with a classmate

Now, let us have a look at some of the words that might end up creating gaps between a parent and a child.

3. I am ashamed of you!

The word ashamed is an extremely negative and hard-hitting word. Even in worst-case scenarios, one must avoid using words like these. In fact, no one should be at the receiving end of words like these, let alone children!

Many a time, parents unknowingly use harsh words like these, especially in the flow of the conversation. What children may not know is that no parent is ever ashamed of their children, which only means these are more like the “spur of the moment” words. Thus, what is necessary is to exercise control with your words because such negative words can disturb children beyond measure.

Say, your child has failed to perform as well as his classmate in the examinations. Now instead of using words like ashamed purely based on an unjustified comparison, it would help to say something like, “I am happy with your performance, but I believe that a little more effort from your side the next time would help you score better than your current grades.”

In this sentence, the usage of words is such that your child first feels congratulated and is then motivated to perform better. This is one of the best ways of helping your child improve, that too without conflicting with your child’s self-confidence and esteem!

4. If you don’t score well, I will ground you!

Many a time, parents make statements like the above to keep their children in check. While they feel that all they are doing are indirectly motivating their child, in reality, these words create fear in the child’s mind. Now even if the child puts in the best of efforts, the pressure of the parent’s words prevents him from excelling.

The same sentence can be refined using positive and friendly words. You can simply put it out as, “I am sure you will give this task your best shot. Would love to take you for ice cream later on!”

Words like these work as a miracle to set the right tone between the parent and the child. Moreover, it makes the child feel that the parent is confident about his performance, which further contributes to his self-confidence and esteem. In a nutshell, it all lies in words, and as such, it would be only wise for the parents to use their words in the interest of their children.

5. Complete your homework, or I will whack you!

It is quite understandable that parents always want to show their children the right path and help them do their best. However, this wish of theirs might often end up making them carried away, especially when they feel the child is not responding to their words and opinions.

Statements like the one mentioned above are usually a cause of the child’s stubborn behavior. While some children remain unaffected by such words, there is another lot that may get scared or feel uncomfortable.

Now there is a genuine probability that the child might be facing difficulties in coping with the homework, leading to a delay in its completion. As a parent, you need to go to the root of the problem. First, you need to distinguish between whether the child is purposely avoiding completing his homework or he is trying his best but is unable to understand.

Even if the case is the former, you should avoid using words like “whack,” which can work negatively on most children. If being violent is not a solution, how come using words of the same tonality is? We, at The Tribhuvan School, believe in support over punishment as this is one of the trusted ways of deriving results from children.

Here’s how you can use your words to the benefit of your child:

Now that you know that as a parent, you need to be using your words wisely, you might be wondering how to rightly achieve this goal. Above all, you must be worried about losing track and mistakenly using words that you shouldn’t be using.

Well, the good news is that the realization is here, which is the first step to progress. Next, you are making an effort not to use words that can impact your child’s self-confidence and self-esteem, which is also commendable. Be at it, and it is not long before you master the act.

Meanwhile, here’s what you can do:

• Think before you speak:

“Think before you Speak” – this good old saying will always come to your rescue. Begin by putting basics into practice. Do not go on blabbering whatever it is that comes to your mind when you are conversing with your child. It is common to get caught in the flow, but it is important to exercise control.

Say your child has fared poorly in the Math exam. Here’s what you should avoid saying even in the heat of the moment:

• You did not put in the required amount of effort.
• You are weak in Math.
• See how well XYZee has scored.
• I will punish you if you score poorly in the next again.

Instead, you can make statements like:

• I saw the effort you put in. There is always a next time.
• I know Math is a little difficult for you to grasp. Put in a little more practice, and you will surely perform much better the next time!
• Let us together work in the direction of improvement!
• Let us watch cartoons together. You will feel better, and after that, I’ll help you solve the problems that troubled you.

If you see, both the set of statements are used in the same scenario, which in this case is poor performance in the Math exam. In spite of that, there is so much difference in the structure, choice of words, and of course, the feeling it will leave behind in your child’s mind.

Your job as a parent is to use words that fall in the second lot. You need to encourage your children through the thick and thin. All parents are close to their children and vice versa. Just imagine, if our closest people only fail to offer support, how is it that we can overcome our shortcomings and move ahead in life with confidence? Your children may be having similar thoughts. So just go and back them right away!

We, at The Tribhuvan School, recognized among the top schools in Patna, totally abide by the philosophy of “Think before you speak.” To support this ideology, we conduct regular seminars and workshops around communication and soft skills for our teachers, students, and parents. The idea is to complement each other’s efforts and work collectively towards the common goal, which in this case is building children’s confidence and self-esteem to help them walk the path to success in style. It is all about making every word count.

• Say no to assumptions:

Many a time, we draw assumptions about a person or a situation. After all, it does not take us much time to jump to assumptions. Do you know why? Because assumptions do not have a backing and are mostly baseless!

You, as a parent, only need to remind yourselves about this one thing time and again. For instance, your child may not be taking notes that the teacher writes on the blackboard. Here, you assume that your child is incompetent and not taking an interest in studies. You may also assume that your child keeps chatting with other children in the class, which prevents him from taking notes effectively. This may lead to you reacting in the following manner:

• You go to school just to have fun?
• You are disappointing your teachers and us as parents!
• You are bad at studies!
• If you don’t take down the notes tomorrow, I will come, see your teacher, and ask her to be stern with you!

Take a quick look at the above statements and the words that form part of these statements. Don’t you think they ooze out mere negativity? Now just think, as a parent, would you really want to pass on such negativity to your children? But the fact is that unfortunately and unknowingly, you may be passing on much more than negativity, leading to a lack of confidence and self-esteem in your children.

As a parent, what you can do the best is to stay away from assumptions. Never fall for the trap. Give your child a fair chance. Who knows what your child may be experiencing! There may be something, something very genuine, preventing your child from taking down notes. Try to go to the root of the problems and resolve them. You do not want to see your child suffering for no fault of his, after all!

On looking deeper, you may find that the teacher has stopped giving notes on the blackboard and is planning to offer printed ones instead. Or your child may be having a learning disability, which might be slowing down his pace. Or even worse, your child may be bullied by his classmates, which may be preventing him from paying attention in class.

What we, at The Tribhuvan School, positioned among the top schools in Patna, are trying to say here is that without knowing the root problems, if you continue to judge your child, you will only be adding fuel to the fire. You will keep on making it even more difficult for your child. In this case, two things can happen. Your child will either go into a shell or become a rebel. We are certain you wouldn’t want any of this to happen, so keep assumptions at bay and be careful with your words.

• Step into your child’s shoes:

While it may seem difficult or impossible to step into your child’s shoes, it is not all that difficult. All that is required out of you is for you to show readiness.

Stepping into your child’s shoes has more to do with showing empathy. To begin with, just avoid passing non-evidence-backed judgments because it won’t be serving anyone, neither you nor your child. The only thing it will possibly do is spoil the bond between your child and you.

The moment you step into your child’s shoes, you can never go wrong with your words. For instance, let us say your child has made a huge mess inside the house. Now you have two ways out here. Either you blast your child left, right, and center, or you sweet-talk him into clearing the mess. Of course, once the mess is cleared, you should sit down with your child and try to find out the trigger. At times, the trigger can be something serious and might need attention right away.

Now, if you blast your child for the mess he has done and go back to clearing the mess yourself, first of all, your child will not know what wrong he has done and would possibly repeat his wrongdoing. Secondly, your words might get so hurtful that he would decide to turn into a rebel and not help with cleaning at all.

Instead, if you sweet-talk your child into clearing the mess, your child will know the effort it takes to put things back in place. Next, when you sit down and discuss his actions by using the right set of words, your approach is likely to make more sense to your child. Here, neither the child’s ego is hurt, nor his self-esteem/confidence is impacted. The only thing that happens is that your child will learn his lesson and will refrain from repeating his wrong behavior in the future. After all, empathy wins every single time; it has to!

• Let your child know you are with him, not against him:

At times, parents end up using words, of course mistakenly, which end up damaging the child’s self-confidence and esteem beyond measure. Such children find it difficult to cope even with the basic hurdles and challenges life hurls at them. Reversing this kind of damage is next to impossible. Thus, not touching upon the dark areas is a move in the right direction.

When things like this happen, children start seeing parents as their enemies, which is something no parent would want to experience. Instead, your goal as a parent is for your child to know that come what may, you are there to support him and back him through all the thick and thin.

What do you think divides parents into these two categories? Of course, it is a parent’s choice of words. When you use polite and welcoming words towards your child, especially when the child is facing any problem, he is likely to come to open up with you. Here, the parent-child relationship improves, and also your child’s self-esteem and confidence remain intact. On the other hand, if you always keep complaining and are stern with your child, the real problem never gets addressed. It only continues to bulk up. Through the process, your words start getting harsher, the problem worst, and your child’s self-esteem and confidence weaker.

Introducing your children to “Words” in the correct manner is vital!

In the above write-up, we touched upon every single aspect that’s important for the children to not feel lost and low on confidence and self-esteem, purely basis your usage of words as a parent. As such, it is safe to conclude that your way of using words with and around your child can make or break his psyche.

However, this does not mean offering undue encouragement when your child is wrong. It only means structuring your sentences in such a manner and including such words that the message is conveyed without damaging your child’s self-confidence and self-esteem.

Though remember, this is just one side of the coin. The other side is that the way you are with words is going to determine how your child uses his words with people around. For instance, if you use polite words, your child will use polite words with others. Likewise, if you use demeaning words, it will not take time for your child to throw around the same demeaning words with people around. It is said that children learn from their parents. This is one of the biggest examples of that. As a parent, you would want your child to learn only the right things. So be mindful about the words you use with and around your child.

This is something, we, at The Tribhuvan School, one of the top schools in Patna, have been practicing all along. Right from our teachers and administrative staff to every other person, who comes in contact with our students during the course of school, are taught to be careful and mindful with the kind of words they use with and around our students. We offer timely reminders not just to our staff members but also to parents during the PTAs. The ultimate goal is to help children realize their potential and grow up to become smart and confident children.